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Hello. Hello, and welcome back to The From Imposter to Empowered podcast with me, your host, Jill, and if you haven't gottenThe From Imposter to Empowered course yet, what are you doing? I just did a launch for it, and this is my signature imposter syndrome course. If you're somebody who has really been struggling, but you're not quite ready to work with a coach, you're not ready to make that investment, this is for you.
I have made a low ticket course for you to dig your hands in and get all my high level tools such as NLP, the rejection template and all of this amazing stuff. And it's basically my 10 step signature methodology and how I help my clients through their own experiences with imposter syndrome and all the things that make them feel not good enough. We do a ton of subconscious work and it really is amazing. Because I love my loyal listeners, I am giving you guys 15% off the course. If you use F I T E podcast at the link in my show notes to buy the course, you will get 15% off.
Today's episode, we are going to talk about the judgment of others. For my clients and the people who religiously listen to this podcast, you already know what I'm going to say. A question I get often is "how do you deal with the judgment from friends and family", or "I'm really afraid to put myself out there because I'm afraid of being rejected". "I'm afraid of judgment. It's a really real fear, especially when it comes to the online space. Putting yourself out there technically means selling or committing to something and somebody having an opinion about it.
It's not so much that we're worried about their opinion. Now, here it comes. Here's the thing that everybody hears all the time from me. That is, you're not afraid of somebody else's opinion, you're afraid of how you're going to feel when you know their opinion. You're not afraid of what people think about you. You're afraid of what you will feel or how you will think about yourself when you know what they think about you.
I put an Instagram post out of my income from coaching last year and then my projected income. I made about $12,000 in 2019 in total. I am now projected to hit six figures this year, which is a huge jump from $12,000 to six figures. I put up a screenshot from my notes and it was a post about the possibility of what you can accomplish. My dad called me and he was like, "why would you do that? Like, you don't want someone to think that you're bragging". Of course I already knew logically that this was just my dad keeping me safe. I knew that it was just him projecting onto me his own beliefs about money. But after the phone call, I was really hurt. I was really upset because I felt like it had put me back a bit. After I had a conversation with my coach and I calmed down a bit, I obviously could see the bigger picture. The reason why that affected me was because I really respect my father. I love my dad. He's the best. He has his own belief system. I have to respect that, but I also care about his opinion about me. I think this is where a lot of people get stuck. They may not care about the randos on Instagram. They care about the fact that their friend from high school is going to see it and make fun of them, or my dad or my mom or my aunt are going to be like, "what is she doing on her Instagram?"
We think it means something about ourselves when somebody judges us. When someone shares their judgment around something that you're doing, they're doing one of two things:
1.) protecting you
or
2.) projecting onto you.
But these things have something in common. You are the only person who gets to choose the impact that it has on you. That doesn't say that you can't react emotionally. It's never about ignoring or negating your feelings or emotions. It's always about the behavior that follows and ensuring that it's not self sabotaging behavior. If I would have gone onto my Instagram and deleted that post after I had that conversation with my dad, if I would have never shared about my income ever again, or if I would have been afraid to talk about money, or afraid to talk about my coaching business on my Instagram, i would never show up again. Instead I honored the fact that I was feeling this way. I honored the fact that I was a human. I had a conversation with somebody to just flush it out, and then I moved on.
I actually use my signature methodology whenever I move through anything. That includes doing a forgiveness ritual in terms of forgiving the person and forgiving myself, whenever something happens that I have a strong, emotional reaction to... and that's what I did. And then I moved on from it and I didn't let it sabotage whatever I was doing. So if you're censoring your content, the worst that could happen is that somebody is never going to buy from you or they'll have an opinion. You can't control that, but you can control how you respond.
Let me guess, your dad's probably not going to buy from you. If somebody is not going to buy from you, then why would you care about their opinion? And when I say, why would you care? I mean, why would you let it affect you? It doesn't mean that you cannot have the feelings and have the thoughts, it just means that your behavior afterwards should not reflect the incident that just occurred.
When I was putting stuff on Instagram, my dad would call me every single time, bless his heart, and he would give me shit for swearing. He would be like, you shouldn't be saying that, noone's going to want to hire you, blah, blah, blah. I would take it really personally. And I would cry. I would start to censor everything. But that wasn't who I was. At the end of the day, I wasn't hurting anybody. The type of people who I work with are okay with swearing. I'm going to express myself however I need to, because I know that somebody needs to hear it. Somebody needs to hear your message. If you are afraid of the judgment from other people, I want you to look inwards and realize that that judgment is actually judgment coming from you. The only reason why we would care about what somebody says about us is because we're afraid that it's true.
So let's say somebody came up to me and was like, you hate dogs. That wouldn't affect me. Cause I fucking love dogs. There is nothing in me that doesn't like a dog. And I think you're a psycho, if you don't like dogs, by the way. I'm not affected by that statement because I know in my heart that it's not true. But if somebody were to come up to me and be like, your stutter makes you sound really stupid... that would probably hurt my feelings because that is something that I've thought about myself. And even if you've done work around a belief about yourself, when somebody brings it to light, it can still feel painful because we all have those roots in which those beliefs have formed.
The reason why you're so afraid of somebody judging, especially in the beginning, is because you're afraid that their judgments are right. You're afraid of your high school friend saying, "who does she think she is trying to do this coaching business?" Your internal state is a reflection of everything that is going on outside of you. It doesn't matter if somebody comes to you and says something that you know is completely untrue. That's not going to affect you. But if somebody comes to you and says something that you fear yourself, that is when it's going to affect you. That is why it's so important to do the work.
It's so important to look inside yourself and look at those beliefs about yourself, that you hold. The Imposter to Empowered the course does all of that for you and helps you release it. It's so important to do this work because when you do, nobody can hurt you because you've looked at it yourself. You've taken the power away from somebody when you are acknowledging the things that you want to improve on. Literally the bravest people are the people that come to me and want my help as a coach. Those are the bravest people ever to me because they're acknowledging that they need help with their mental state, with their thoughts, with helping overcome those feelings of feeling like a fraud. Those are the strongest people that I personally know because they are taking it upon themselves to help change their behavior. Judgment doesn't fucking mean anything unless you give it meaning just like everything else.
So again, you're not afraid of what somebody thinks about you, you're afraid of how you'll feel when you know what they think. The way to combat that is to look inside yourself at all the reasons as to why you don't feel good enough, or why you judge yourself or judge others, release it and forgive yourself and forgive others. And again, if you're looking for a signature methodology, if you're a very logical thought out person, and you need a roadmap for doing this From Imposter to Empowered the course, may be for you. The link is in my show notes, and again, you can use F I T E podcast for 15% off. Thanks so much for listening to the, from Imposter to Empowered podcast with me, Jillian Parekh. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot and share it on your Instagram story. And don't forget to tag me at @yourcoachjill, of course I'd love for you to rate the podcast five stars and leave a review. And if you screenshot your review and send it to me on Instagram, I'll send you a free gift at the very least. Make sure you follow me on Instagram again at @yourcoachjill for tons of free content strategies and inspo. See you next time.
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