So I don't know about you, but I always get my best ideas while driving!
The other day while driving, I started thinking about being relatable and how I often share my real raw experiences with my audience.
So I never want to use really vague examples.
Whenever I'm talking about something, I use my own life and something that I've experienced and that I'm struggling with.
And even if I'm currently struggling with that, I'll be very open and transparent with my clients because I really believe that it is important and people really need to hear that they're not alone.
And that's because shame is our default setting! Shame is what we resort to because it was how we were raised.
A lot of this generation was raised on shame.
I think about the time where I went to the grocery store with my family when I was like 8 years old. And I stole like one of those tape gum things.
I took it out of my pocket and showed it to my sister once we got into the car.
I was like look what I did!
Of course when my parents found out, they obviously shamed me.
"This is what bad people so your bad."
They were just worried that their daughter was going to be a fucking thief.
They weren't thinking, 'Okay, we shouldn't tell her she's bad. We should just be like this behavior is bad.'
They were doing what they knew best and they just didn't want their daughter to grow up to be a criminal
Shame is how a lot of people have grown up on learning. What is right or wrong? Or what is bad or good?
We learn the should and the shouldn't.
You should do that.
You shouldn't do this.
And the thing is a shame is internalized.
We very rarely talk about things that we are shameful about. When we do shadow work it's really bringing to light those things
We all have these thoughts in terms of being jealous, afraid or anxious, but unless you have someone to talk to about it or unless you start opening up, you internalize it.
This can promote a lot of shame.
When we're thinking things or doing things that we think no one else is doing or thinking...
...I'll never be good enough.
...This isn't working for me.
...I'm feeling this way.
...I'm thinking this way.
..Nobody else thinks or feels this way.
That's why social media is so good!
There's bad things about social media, of course, but there's also really good things in terms of just being relatable.
You get on Facebook or Instagram and you a see video of somebody who's talking about intrusive thoughts.
They're thinking about their relationship.
They're thinking about their business.
And you're like...oh my gosh! I'm not the only person who had that thought.
But social media has been such a beautiful thing in terms of being like, this person is experiencing the exact same things that I have
I'm not alone and I think that's why I'm so honest and so transparent with my audience and with my clients
What helped me is seeing people who were going through the same things as me and were verbalizing it and understanding where you're coming from.
It gave me permission to accept myself and to validate myself.
Now, we all want to get to the place where we we eventually validate and give ourselves permission.
But we're also never taught to do that as we grow up. We look for external validation.
We look for that external praise to be okay, to be given permission and it doesn't stop in adulthood and especially when you start doing something like owning a business.
Your external validation is really in those vanity metrics online.
Or it's somebody paying you or somebody saying "I'm so glad to be working with you."
That is the kind of permission and validation that we crave.
When we see other people doing those things or thinking those things and bringing them to light, we kind of feel like we can just breathe.
A weight is lifted off our shoulders to see that we're not the only ones.
And it gives us permission to step forward and deal with it instead of internalizing it and trying to push it down or repress it.
When you bring something dark inside of you to light, you allow yourself to release it and to let it go. You take its power away.
Shame keeps you in the thought spiral.
Shame keeps you in that negative loop and having these thoughts or having these
feelings.
I mean it's amazing that we have tools like NLP to help release this stuff too.
Like it's just next level to be able to release stuff like fear and anger and sadness.
And my life has been totally changed by NLP and it is highly recommend.
If you're in any of my programs or you want to be in any of my programs, you will get the magic of NLP.
I don't know about you, but I'm an imposter syndrome expert and I still deal with
imposter syndrome! I think that's what makes me an expert!
Because I know what it feels like to be completely qualified and capable and
competent, but the beliefs that I have about myself literally made me think that I
wasn't capable or qualified or competent.
I still have times where I'm like, "fuck do I even know what I'm doing?"
So I think the important thing that I wanted to get across was that it is so much
better for you to be real and authentic with anybody you come into contact with.
Letting them really see the real you is important because chances are you're giving somebody else permission or validation to be even more of themselves.
It takes a lot of work to program yourself to meet yourself with compassion instead of shame.
And that is an ongoing journey for me.
Find more from Coach Jill by going HERE!
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