I used to nod my head religiously when someone would talk about self-care, but I low-key thought it was unnecessary.
When my coaches said, “You deserve to take a break”, I would agree but be thinking in the back of my mind “Pfft, I don’t have time for that.”
When something went wrong in my business or someone said no, I’d latch onto my negative thoughts and throw myself a pity party, saying shit like “Why can’t it happen for 𝘮𝘦?!?”
It was because I believed I wasn’t worthy of receiving.
I have always rejected compliments.
If someone did something for me, I had the immediate urge to repay them.
I couldn’t take credit for my work or be praised for it (𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦).
I was also conditioned to believe that women that did things for themselves were selfish - so any type of self-care or self-indulgence I participated in was paired with a thick layer of guilt, meaning I could never enjoy anything.
This all came from a...
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞.
We live in a world of the “just fucking do it” and the “you get what you work for” mentality. Discipline was seen as authoritative, that there was a “right” or “wrong” way to be.
You were taught that in order to get the results you wanted, you had to do things you didn’t want to do, but that you were “supposed” to do.
Does the phrase, “You can’t just do anything you want” ring a bell?
This particular story was one that I had to rewrite for myself.
The story that told me I couldn’t have fun and make money. That it had to be hard. That resting in bed all weekend was bad. That I had to be working on my business 8 hours a day to be successful. That swearing on the internet would make people not like me. That it was rude to talk about how much money I’ve made.
It all stemmed from punishing myself and making myself feel bad for being the...
The reason why it takes time to get to your next level is NOT because “it just takes time”.
𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥.
You see your success as a flight of stairs that you’re climbing - it all feels very restricted, rigid, and linear.
But it doesn’t have to be this hard. It doesn’t have to take such a long time.
Every time you uncover another layer of why you feel unworthy, you remove a heavy brick from the wall of your unworthiness. You acknowledge that part of you, validate that part of you, and release - and you give yourself permission to level up.
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭. And then your second client. And then your first $5K month, and then your first $10K month.
𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭, 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘦𝘵.
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞...
1 You don’t 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 want what you say you want.
You say you want 10 clients, but do you actually want 10 clients? Subconsciously, you could be resisting your goal because you know you don’t have the time or the resources.
Or maybe you don’t feel good enough, so even though you say you want clients, you actually don’t know what you’d even do with them if you did have clients.
2 You don’t feel worthy of what you want.
You have a goal to make $100K in your business this year - and even though so many people in this space have done that, you don’t think that you can achieve that based on what you think & feel about yourself.
3 You subconsciously think the thing you want will make you uncomfortable or it will be difficult.
And then if you have to be uncomfortable or the tasks to get to your goal are perceived as “difficult”, you’re afraid that those negative feelings will lead you down the shame spiral or make you feel bad, so...
This Is What I Call The Other Shoe Effect
When you’re subconsciously pushing away good-feeling experiences in your business because when you feel good, your internal alarm goes off, letting you know that something bad might happen.
So you subconsciously push away success or feeling good, because you’re worried that something bad has to happen as a result of your happiness.
This might look like - not celebrating after a good launch or signing a client, feeling the need to overwork and “do” more when things are feeling calm + easy, or spending more money than you’re making once you start hitting higher months!
It’s important to remember that your brain is always trying to keep you safe. It’s job is to scope out danger when there’s uncertainty or when your “guard is down”.
Work on proving old stories wrong, consistently grounding yourself and your body, and practicing better feeling thoughts that won’t take you down...
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐞𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡.
Why you should hold back, and play small.
Why someone wouldn’t want to buy from you.
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.
Because this is the meaning you’re giving your story. And because you whole-heartedly believe this, you hide. You don’t talk about your services how you wish you could. You don’t have boundaries with yourself or your audience/clients.
Whereas someone with the exact same story as you, could be using it as her hero story. As to WHY she’s good enough. As to why someone would want to buy from her, because she’s unapologetically herself and embraces the parts of her that she knows other people can relate to.
And she’d be right, too. Because she’s choosing for this story to empower her, instead of letting it keep her small.
This is why 𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐨-𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 (𝐍𝐋𝐏) is so powerful. NLP allows us to access those subconscious stories and...
So I don't know about you, but I always get my best ideas while driving!
The other day while driving, I started thinking about being relatable and how I often share my real raw experiences with my audience.
So I never want to use really vague examples.
Whenever I'm talking about something, I use my own life and something that I've experienced and that I'm struggling with.
And even if I'm currently struggling with that, I'll be very open and transparent with my clients because I really believe that it is important and people really need to hear that they're not alone.
And that's because shame is our default setting! Shame is what we resort to because it was how we were raised.
A lot of this generation was raised on shame.
I think about the time where I went to the grocery store with my family when I was like 8 years old. And I stole like one of those tape gum things.
I took it out of my pocket and showed it to my sister once we got into the...
𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜.
And it’s total bull shit.
Listen, it’s normal to feel jealous and a little competitive. That “grass is greener” type of stuff is inevitable.
But if the compulsion to compare is so often for you, that it’s getting in the way of running your business - the empathy I have for you won’t last long.
And that’s because you’re letting your ego 𝘸𝘪𝘯.
If you were to really put yourself out there and hear crickets, your ego would be bruised.
If you were to really not give a f*ck what others were doing or what they thought of you, you could be susceptible to their judgement or their rejection.
So it’s easier to compare, it’s easier to focus on what’s 𝘯𝘰𝘵 working for you and what 𝘪𝘴 working for them.
𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 - jealousy about what someone else is doing or what someone else has is your way of saying that you think they’re happy, and that’s what you want to...
Listen to this episode on the From Imposter to Empowered podcast:
How can people pleasing affect confidence in your business? Yes, I'm talking about people pleasing when it comes to your friends, your family, your significant other, your full time job and how this all translates into your business. I’m the best recovering people pleaser that you have ever seen. I would ensure that if somebody had something that was going on that would interfere with something I was doing, I would make a room for it always.
I would stretch myself so thin and I would actually be super resentful about it. Here’s where the people pleasing tendencies came from. I have gone to therapy and done a lot of work around my worthiness, and what I noticed was that I was people pleasing because I didn't want people to reject me or not love me because I wasn't accommodating to them. I grew up in a family where we all are bent over backwards for each...