I used to nod my head religiously when someone would talk about self-care, but I low-key thought it was unnecessary.โฃ
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When my coaches said, โYou deserve to take a breakโ, I would agree but be thinking in the back of my mind โPfft, I donโt have time for that.โโฃ
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When something went wrong in my business or someone said no, Iโd latch onto my negative thoughts and throw myself a pity party, saying shit like โWhy canโt it happen for ๐ฎ๐ฆ?!?โโฃ
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It was because I believed I wasnโt worthy of receiving.โฃ
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I have always rejected compliments.โฃ
If someone did something for me, I had the immediate urge to repay them.โฃ
I couldnโt take credit for my work or be praised for it (๐ค๐ญ๐ข๐ด๐ด๐ช๐ค ๐ช๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ ๐ด๐บ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ).โฃ
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I was also conditioned to believe that women that did things for themselves were selfish - so any type of self-care or self-indulgence I participated in was paired with a thick layer of guilt, meaning I could never enjoy anything.โฃ
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This all came from a place of believing I wasnโt worthy of receiving any kind...
๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐๐๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐๐ฅ๐ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐.โฃ
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We live in a world of the โjust fucking do itโ and the โyou get what you work forโ mentality. Discipline was seen as authoritative, that there was a โrightโ or โwrongโ way to be.โฃ
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You were taught that in order to get the results you wanted, you had to do things you didnโt want to do, but that you were โsupposedโ to do.โฃ
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Does the phrase, โYou canโt just do anything you wantโ ring a bell?โฃ
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This particular story was one that I had to rewrite for myself.
The story that told me I couldnโt have fun and make money. That it had to be hard. That resting in bed all weekend was bad. That I had to be working on my business 8 hours a day to be successful. That swearing on the internet would make people not like me. That it was rude to talk about how much money Iโve made.โฃ
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It all stemmed from punishing myself and making myself feel bad for being the way that I was.
And this made me think, โ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐บ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ถ๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ท๐ฆ, ๐ต๐ฐ...
The reason why it takes time to get to your next level is NOT because โit just takes timeโ.โฃ
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๐๐ญโ๐ฌ ๐๐๐๐๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐จ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ง๐๐ฑ๐ญ ๐ฅ๐๐ฏ๐๐ฅ.โฃ
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You see your success as a flight of stairs that youโre climbing - it all feels very restricted, rigid, and linear.โฃ
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But it doesnโt have to be this hard. It doesnโt have to take such a long time.โฃ
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Every time you uncover another layer of why you feel unworthy, you remove a heavy brick from the wall of your unworthiness. You acknowledge that part of you, validate that part of you, and release - and you give yourself permission to level up.โฃ
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๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐จ๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐๐๐๐ข๐๐๐ฌ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ๐ซ๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐จ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐ข๐ซ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ง๐ญ. And then your second client. And then your first $5K month, and then your first $10K month.โฃ
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๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง ๐ฃ๐ข๐ค๐ฌ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐น๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ, ๐ช๐ตโ๐ด ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ค๐ข๐ถ๐ด๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ง๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถโ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ด๐ถ๐ค๐ค๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐บ๐ฆ๐ต.โฃ
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๐๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐๐จ๐งโ๐ญ ๐๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ๐ซ๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ก๐ฒ ๐จ๐ง ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐๐๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ฅ๐๐ฏ๐๐ฅ, ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐จ๐งโ๐ญ ๐ก๐๐ฏ๐ ๐ข๐ญ. Youโll s...
1๏ธโฃ You donโt ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ถ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐บ want what you say you want.โฃ
You say you want 10 clients, but do you actually want 10 clients? Subconsciously, you could be resisting your goal because you know you donโt have the time or the resources.
Or maybe you donโt feel good enough, so even though you say you want clients, you actually donโt know what youโd even do with them if you did have clients. โฃ
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2๏ธโฃ You donโt feel worthy of what you want.โฃ
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You have a goal to make $100K in your business this year - and even though so many people in this space have done that, you donโt think that you can achieve that based on what you think & feel about yourself.โฃ
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3๏ธโฃ You subconsciously think the thing you want will make you uncomfortable or it will be difficult.โฃ
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And then if you have to be uncomfortable or the tasks to get to your goal are perceived as โdifficultโ, youโre afraid that those negative feelings will lead you down the shame spiral or make you feel bad, so you avoid, avoid, avoid, even when you say you want...
This Is What I Call The Other Shoe Effectย ๐
When youโre subconsciously pushing away good-feeling experiences in your business because when you feel good, your internal alarm goes off, letting you know that something bad might happen.
So you subconsciously push away success or feeling good, because youโre worried that something bad has to happen as a result of your happiness.
This might look like - not celebrating after a good launch or signing a client, feeling the need to overwork and โdoโ more when things are feeling calm + easy, or spending more money than youโre making once you start hitting higher months!
Itโs important to remember that your brain is always trying to keep you safe. Itโs job is to scope out danger when thereโs uncertainty or when your โguard is downโ.
Work on proving old stories wrong, consistently grounding yourself and your body, and practicing better feeling thoughts that wonโt take you down the shame spiral ๐ค
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Find more from Coach Jill by goingย HERE!
๐๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐๐๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ค ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐๐ข๐ ๐ ๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ๐ซ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ ๐จ๐จ๐ ๐๐ง๐จ๐ฎ๐ ๐ก.โฃ
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Why you should hold back, and play small.โฃ
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Why someone wouldnโt want to buy from you.โฃ
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๐๐ง๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ๐ ๐๐ ๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ.โฃ
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Because this is the meaning youโre giving your story. And because you whole-heartedly believe this, you hide. You donโt talk about your services how you wish you could. You donโt have boundaries with yourself or your audience/clients.โฃ
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Whereas someone with the exact same story as you, could be using it as her hero story. As to WHY sheโs good enough. As to why someone would want to buy from her, because sheโs unapologetically herself and embraces the parts of her that she knows other people can relate to.โฃ
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And sheโd be right, too. Because sheโs choosing for this story to empower her, instead of letting it keep her small.โฃ
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This is why ๐ง๐๐ฎ๐ซ๐จ-๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ (๐๐๐) is so powerful. NLP allows us to access those subconscious stories and beliefs and change the way we feel and think about the...
So I don't know about you, but I always get my best ideas while driving!ย
The other day while driving, I started thinking about being relatable and how I often shareย my real raw experiences with my audience.
So I never want to use really vague examples.
Whenever I'm talking about something, I use my own life and something that I've experienced and that I'm struggling with.
And even if I'm currently struggling with that, I'll be very open and transparent with my clients because I really believe that it is important and people really need to hear that they're not alone.
And that's because shame is our default setting!ย Shame is whatย we resort to because it was how we were raised.
Aย lot of this generation was raised on shame.
I think about the time where I went to the grocery store with myย family when I was like 8 years old.ย And I stole like one of those tape gum things.
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I took it out of my pocket and showed it to my sister once we got into the car.
I was like look what I did!...
๐๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ ๐๐ง ๐๐ฏ๐จ๐ข๐๐๐ง๐๐ ๐ญ๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐.โฃ
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And itโs total bull shit.โฃ
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Listen, itโs normal to feel jealous and a little competitive. That โgrass is greenerโ type of stuff is inevitable.โฃ
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But if the compulsion to compare is so often for you, that itโs getting in the way of running your business - the empathy I have for you wonโt last long.โฃ
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And thatโs because youโre letting your ego ๐ธ๐ช๐ฏ. โฃ
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If you were to really put yourself out there and hear crickets, your ego would be bruised.โฃ
If you were to really not give a f*ck what others were doing or what they thought of you, you could be susceptible to their judgement or their rejection.โฃ
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So itโs easier to compare, itโs easier to focus on whatโs ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต working for you and what ๐ช๐ด working for them.โฃ
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๐๐ข๐ง๐ฌ๐ ๐๐ง๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฉ๐๐๐ญ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐๐ฏ๐๐ซ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐๐ ๐จ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ข๐๐ - jealousy about what someone else is doing or what someone else has is your way of saying that you think theyโre happy, and thatโs what you want to be.โฃ
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With your business, youโre seeing what someone else is doing...
Listen to this episode on theย From Imposter to Empoweredย podcast:
How can people pleasing affect confidence in your business? Yes, I'm talking about people pleasing when it comes to your friends, your family, your significant other, your full time job and how this all translates into your business. Iโm the best recovering people pleaser that you have ever seen. I would ensure that if somebody had something that was going on that would interfere with something I was doing, I would make a room for it always.
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I would stretch myself so thin and I would actually be super resentful about it. Hereโs where the people pleasing tendencies came from. I have gone to therapy and done a lot of work around my worthiness, and what I noticed was that I was people pleasing because I didn't want people to reject me or not love me because I wasn't accommodating to them. I grew up in a family where we all are bent over backwards for each other and I believe that tha...
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