Listen to this episode on the From Imposter to Empowered podcast:
I had a 1:1 client the other day who has already made 6-figures in her business. During our session, she said “Oh I’m in pajamas right now, I’ve been in pajamas all day, I should be more put together.” I asked her what she meant by that, and she said that “6-figure coaches don’t wear pajamas all day.” And I just thought that was sooo funny. Not in the way that I was laughing at her, but I was laughing at the fact that so many of us come from corporate backgrounds, like this client and we think quitting our jobs and running our own businesses will free us from those chains of restriction and professionalism, and what we make that mean - and really, we bring those things with us. I asked her, “What if you were told about how many millionaires sit around in sweatpants all day?”
Because the truth is, there are so many...
I used to nod my head religiously when someone would talk about self-care, but I low-key thought it was unnecessary.
When my coaches said, “You deserve to take a break”, I would agree but be thinking in the back of my mind “Pfft, I don’t have time for that.”
When something went wrong in my business or someone said no, I’d latch onto my negative thoughts and throw myself a pity party, saying shit like “Why can’t it happen for 𝘮𝘦?!?”
It was because I believed I wasn’t worthy of receiving.
I have always rejected compliments.
If someone did something for me, I had the immediate urge to repay them.
I couldn’t take credit for my work or be praised for it (𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘦).
I was also conditioned to believe that women that did things for themselves were selfish - so any type of self-care or self-indulgence I participated in was paired with a thick layer of guilt, meaning I could never enjoy anything.
This all came from a...
𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫…
The actual process of overcoming imposter syndrome may seem slow at first.
Changing your thoughts?
Cultivating safety & trust in your body?
These don’t sound like easy things, do they?
It’s like working out - it doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.
And the benefits? Once you start to notice them, it’s your motivation to keep going.
They look like:
Not needing to have all the answers to take action. You know that there is always more to learn and that 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, you know enough to help somebody and to make an impact.
Emotional regulation & self-mastery - this looks like self-awareness out the hoo-ha, and action to match. You process things easier, are less reactive, and sustain habits that help you stay consistent and successful.
Boundaries out the hoo-ha, too. Not just with others, but yourself. You take time doing things you enjoy. You prioritize your...
𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜.
And it’s total bull shit.
Listen, it’s normal to feel jealous and a little competitive. That “grass is greener” type of stuff is inevitable.
But if the compulsion to compare is so often for you, that it’s getting in the way of running your business - the empathy I have for you won’t last long.
And that’s because you’re letting your ego 𝘸𝘪𝘯.
If you were to really put yourself out there and hear crickets, your ego would be bruised.
If you were to really not give a f*ck what others were doing or what they thought of you, you could be susceptible to their judgement or their rejection.
So it’s easier to compare, it’s easier to focus on what’s 𝘯𝘰𝘵 working for you and what 𝘪𝘴 working for them.
𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 - jealousy about what someone else is doing or what someone else has is your way of saying that you think they’re happy, and that’s what you want to...
Let’s say you’re a Mindset Coach who uses human design in their business.
If you grew up around people who used human design often and who thought running a coaching business from social media was the norm, you wouldn’t be constantly questioning if they think what you’re doing online is weird.
And that’s because your paradigm, which is defined as a pattern of being or a model, is different than what they’re used to.
And typically, people who aren’t committed to mindset work or personal development aren’t actively changing their paradigm.
There’s nothing wrong with what you’re doing, it’s just 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 from the paradigm that the people around you have used to.
When you’re around people who get what you’re doing, whether that’s in person or online, it’s less likely you’ll question if what you’re doing is 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 or 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨.
𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞: The value of my services...
Long story short, this is my hot take:
And here’s why - money doesn’t magically change the course of your thoughts.
Let’s say that you think you feel like a fraud because you can’t book a client. You think to yourself….
I’m not good enough.
It seems like I don’t know what I’m doing.
But then yay, you sign a client! Smooth sailing now, right?!
Until the initial excitement wears off, and you’re thinking about your first call or your first project with your new client. You suddenly start to have the same thoughts, because what if you do a job and they don’t like it? What if you’re on the call with them and you don’t know what to say?
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 - and beliefs cannot instantly disappear simply from receiving a couple of PayPal notifications
If you feel like an imposter and think you’ll be cured by...
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐢𝐭, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡.
You’re listening to your inner imposter and telling yourself that you’re not ready.
You’re thinking that once you get:
That next client that validates how great you are
That next certification
That next big number of Instagram followers
You can finally start 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 successful.
All the while, there is someone out there who truly needs what you have to offer - and you’re denying them of that, all because your 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘮𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.
But if you’re really certain about what you want, you have to do it scared.
You have to get on the calls, make the sales pitch, put out the content - even when it scares you. Even when it’s tiring. Even when you think no one is watching.
So yeah, maybe you’re afraid that taking the risk or going after the thing is going to cost you.
What’s it costing you to 𝘯𝘰𝘵?
Find more from Coach Jill by going HERE!...
On the way to Vegas, I was reading Dr. Valerie Young’s The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, it’s all about Imposter Syndrome. Dr.Young is one of the leading people when it comes to Imposter Syndrome research. She does talks on the subject, and you should take the time to look into her! The book includes a system called the “Seven Defense Mechanisms”. One of those defense mechanisms is procrastination, which is the topic of today’s blog!
I’ll be doing a blog post for each of the Seven Defense Mechanisms, so please keep an eye out for those!
I feel like we’ve all experienced procrastination at one time or another. If you haven’t procrastinated before- that’s amazing! Good for you! Although I feel students for example are a group of people who tend to have to deal with procrastination frequently, although it...