Listen to this episode on the From Imposter to Empowered podcast:
How can you charge 4-figures for your coaching package? Even if you have charged more than $1000 before, this will still come up for my clients who have thoughts around what coaching is worth, and not believing someone will pay them a certain amount when they increase their prices. So let’s get down to business!
So here are the things I think you need to get your brain around:
The value of emotional labour
Getting clear on your impossible result
Having a GOOD process you take your clients through; and
Being the supporting actor when you think you’re the main character
First, you have to believe in the value of emotional labour. If you think about it from a societal and patriarchal perspective, emotional labor is not seen as worthy and as important than other kinds of...
This year, on my 29th birthday, my high school sweetheart proposed to me and asked me to be his wife! We’re so excited.
And you should know, I’ve waited foreverrrrr for this moment - we were 15 when we started dating. And about 5 years ago, I really started to wonder when the ring was coming.
It became a running joke in my family (Dustin was super happy about that ), and I would think constantly about what it would be like once we were engaged and could plan our wedding.
I always knew the ring was coming, even when it wasn’t a physical manifestation yet. And when a couple years went by and I saw everyone else getting engaged, married, having kids (𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦!), I started to wonder when it would happen for me.
𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝! And every little thing over the past 14 years didn’t matter anymore.
Your business is this way, too.
Every investment you’ve made, every task you’ve completed, every late night you’ve spent...
1 You don’t 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 want what you say you want.
You say you want 10 clients, but do you actually want 10 clients? Subconsciously, you could be resisting your goal because you know you don’t have the time or the resources.
Or maybe you don’t feel good enough, so even though you say you want clients, you actually don’t know what you’d even do with them if you did have clients.
2 You don’t feel worthy of what you want.
You have a goal to make $100K in your business this year - and even though so many people in this space have done that, you don’t think that you can achieve that based on what you think & feel about yourself.
3 You subconsciously think the thing you want will make you uncomfortable or it will be difficult.
And then if you have to be uncomfortable or the tasks to get to your goal are perceived as “difficult”, you’re afraid that those negative feelings will lead you down the shame spiral or make you feel bad, so...
This Is What I Call The Other Shoe Effect
When you’re subconsciously pushing away good-feeling experiences in your business because when you feel good, your internal alarm goes off, letting you know that something bad might happen.
So you subconsciously push away success or feeling good, because you’re worried that something bad has to happen as a result of your happiness.
This might look like - not celebrating after a good launch or signing a client, feeling the need to overwork and “do” more when things are feeling calm + easy, or spending more money than you’re making once you start hitting higher months!
It’s important to remember that your brain is always trying to keep you safe. It’s job is to scope out danger when there’s uncertainty or when your “guard is down”.
Work on proving old stories wrong, consistently grounding yourself and your body, and practicing better feeling thoughts that won’t take you down...
𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲.
You decide what you give meaning.
On the playground, I found out a boy in our class liked me. Another schoolmate turned to me and said, “Why would 𝘩𝘦 like 𝘺𝘰𝘶?”
I wondered what it could possibly be. My hair, my face, the clothes I wore? I settled on what made sense to me - the fact that I stuttered.
I decided that this boy wouldn’t like me if he got to know me, because then he’d realize that I stuttered, and that was the worst thing about me.
I carried this story with me everywhere I went. I grew up with this story.
It loomed over me like a dark cloud.
I made every no, every rejection, every side sneer, every negative interaction 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 that I was incapable, unworthy, unintelligent, unlovable - all because I was a person who stuttered.
You’re the same. You have something that you lean towards when you’re not getting your way. You have something that you’ve decided makes you unworthy, incapable, unintelligent,...
I call myself an Imposter Syndrome Expert, but not 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 because I have a psychology-educated background and experience with people who struggle with it.
𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡, that I know firsthand how feeling like an imposter can affect every part of your life.
Each step towards my progress was made anxiously and with negative expectation, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Waiting for someone to look at me and go, “You don’t belong here”.
Waiting for this arbitrary “moment” where I would be called out and lose everything.
My boundaries were non-existent.
I was judgemental of others to protect myself.
I worried about my clients’ results because I thought it meant something about me.
I was always feeling scarce even when I started to make money, because I worried it would just 𝘨𝘰 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 one day.
The way to release these scarce thoughts & feelings so your business doesn’t feel like an emotional energy vacuum?
𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐦.
It’s not something you do when you’re spiralling out of control.
It’s not a trendy thing because everyone else is doing it.
It’s not a one-way ticket to success because you see all the IG guru’s doing it.
It’s a 𝘥𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦.
It’s an 𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵.
It’s more than just journaling and lighting some candles.
It’s acknowledging the painful shit that comes up.
It’s choosing the better thought, over and over again.
It’s knowing that things are going to work out, even when it looks like they won’t.
It’s feeling good and calm and flowy, and still doing your morning routine because you know that it’s what keeps you feeling good and calm and flowy.
It’s feeling safe in your body and safe in your business - and knowing that it takes the 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 to do this.
Find more from Coach Jill by going HERE!
When you don’t feel good enough, smart enough, or competent enough, you rely on other people to show you the way and help make your decisions - like a coach, a mentor, a parent, etc.
And because you’re constantly looking to others for guidance, when it comes time to make a decision for yourself….you freeze up. You feel incapable.
You panic, and then you sit in analysis paralysis, hoping that the perfect decision will just come to you.
You think you’re learning the ropes, but what you’re really learning is not to trust yourself.
Every decision you make sets a path into motion:
Maybe you got a degree that you don’t use now, but you met the love of your life in third year.
Maybe you were in a mastermind where you were disappointed with the content, but you learned what you didn’t want in a coach and it led you to hire the right one next time.
Maybe you bombed a sales call or got rejected a bunch of times, but it led you to self-awareness &...
𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫…
The actual process of overcoming imposter syndrome may seem slow at first.
Changing your thoughts?
Cultivating safety & trust in your body?
These don’t sound like easy things, do they?
It’s like working out - it doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.
And the benefits? Once you start to notice them, it’s your motivation to keep going.
They look like:
Not needing to have all the answers to take action. You know that there is always more to learn and that 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸, you know enough to help somebody and to make an impact.
Emotional regulation & self-mastery - this looks like self-awareness out the hoo-ha, and action to match. You process things easier, are less reactive, and sustain habits that help you stay consistent and successful.
Boundaries out the hoo-ha, too. Not just with others, but yourself. You take time doing things you enjoy. You prioritize your...
𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬.
It’s not a disease, or a life sentence. It’s just a pattern of thoughts that you have continued to think over & over again, because of beliefs that have been misinterpreted from past experiences that you’ve given truth to and continued to perpetuate.
Suuuper chill, right?
But the thing is, you’re 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 with these beliefs.
You truly 𝘥𝘰 believe that because of who you are, where you came from, and what you have to offer, you’re unable to achieve what you want to achieve.
You truly 𝘥𝘰 believe that you’re faking people out and they’re going to find out you’re not as intelligent or capable as you’re making it seem.
𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐮𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤, 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 & 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧.
And so is imposter syndrome.
It is 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 a dysfunctional thinking pattern. One that is deeply rooted in the beliefs you hold about yourself and the world, buuuuut still 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 a dysfunctional thinking pattern - which means...