Listen to this episode on the From Imposter to Empowered podcast:
I had a 1:1 client the other day who has already made 6-figures in her business. During our session, she said “Oh I’m in pajamas right now, I’ve been in pajamas all day, I should be more put together.” I asked her what she meant by that, and she said that “6-figure coaches don’t wear pajamas all day.” And I just thought that was sooo funny. Not in the way that I was laughing at her, but I was laughing at the fact that so many of us come from corporate backgrounds, like this client and we think quitting our jobs and running our own businesses will free us from those chains of restriction and professionalism, and what we make that mean - and really, we bring those things with us. I asked her, “What if you were told about how many millionaires sit around in sweatpants all day?”
Because the truth is, there are so many entrepreneurs that dress in a very polished and put together way - and there’s also many who wear athletic wear, or yoga pants, or sweat pants, and take calls on Zoom all day. Both can be true, but my client was using the fact that she wasn’t being professional as a dig against herself and her identity. And it was really an innocent comment, truly. She just said it and wanted to move on, but I asked her to stay there because I think it was an important lesson on identity.
We use our own identity and the way we are against ourselves all the time. For the longest time, I told myself that because I stutter, I’m not a good communicator or speaker - and successful entrepreneurs are good speakers. Do you see how I immediately cancel myself out from thinking of myself as a successful entrepreneur? Let’s take it a step further. If I believe I’m not a successful entrepreneur, what will that do to my content creation and how I show up? How will that impede the thoughts I have about myself and what I’m capable of doing?
Identity work is so much of the work I do with my clients, because how you see yourself is the beginning, middle, and the end of everything you will create. And so many of you are coming into this space thinking you need to change everything about yourself to be worthy. When really, you need to change the way you see your lovability. The way you see your worthiness. You are and always have been worthy. That hasn’t changed. Your ability to see yourself as worthy - that is what has changed.
So with that being said - we keep ourselves in a rut, we keep ourselves stuck - by believing that our next level selves, our highest version of ourselves is someone completely different than who we are now - when really, our highest selves are just us, with different thoughts.
This has always been my issue with highest self work. I once had a coach who had us do an exercise that was like the highest version of ourselves who had everything we ever wanted. While the exercise was so fun and exciting, I couldn’t rectify how I was going to get from where I was to that place. And of course, when we’re manifesting, the how isn’t important - but when we’re working towards goals and bettering ourselves, I think it’s very important to be able to see ourselves in the goals we’re trying to attain. A lot of my clients come to me with a lot of self-judgment and shame - so thinking that who we are isn’t enough whatsoever is just another way that shame shows up for you when it comes to thinking of your highest self.
How you remove the shame is to deliberately think about who you are now, what you do, and how you do things - how does this work for you right now? Take what works, leave the rest. What are you proud of that you do right now, that you know your highest self will do, too?
Listen, I really love being comfortable, especially with sensory sensitivity as someone with ADHD. I’ll get dressed up for events, that stuff is fun, but in my day to day, I like wearing matching sets, nice yoga pants, comfy clothes - and just like my client, I had to look at what my thoughts were about professionalism and what it meant about me. What I realized was I can make multiple 6-figures from my bed, from my couch, in comfy clothes - and I don’t have to define professionalism by how I look. I get to decide that the way I look everyday is worthy and deserving of anything I want, right?
At the end of the day, what I really want to drive home to you is that you get to make everything mean something that suits you and your life, and your growth and your happiness. You are allowed to challenge the rules and stories that you grew up with and subscribe to - and you can choose not to subscribe to them. One of my coaches was really into branding and clothing and how she dresses herself is very important to her - and if I felt unworthy, I would have made that mean that I won’t be as successful as her because I cared less about how I dressed and therefore wasn’t “professional” - but f*ck that shit. It was just another way that I would have decided I wasn’t good enough. Be mindful of all the ways your brain tries to convince you that you aren’t good enough.
So how do you believe you’re good enough? You look at who you are and your current identity with love, compassion, and free from self-judgment and shame. And you look at personal development and growth and inner work as a way for you to just amplify those parts of yourself that you LOVE, rather than eliminate the parts of yourself you dislike.
Specifically, if you are trying to step into the identity of a 6-figure coach, or even a coach who makes money - where are you telling yourself you don’t “fit the bill”, and how can you challenge that? How can you question that? What WOULD a coach that makes money look like and be like? How can you use that for growth and expansion instead of shame and contraction? These are good questions for you my friends.
If you’re looking to take this work deeper with me, I have 1:1 coaching spots available for 3 months. Our goal here is to silence your inner imposter for good, sell confidently, step into that identity you are wanting to step into, and make the money you want to make. Apply for 3 months of 1:1 coaching HERE.