4 Ways to Combat Comparisonitis | Imposter Syndrome

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I was really thinking about one thing I repeatedly see in my DMS. One thing I consistently see with regard to people who are struggling and one thing I am constantly asked to discuss in my guest podcasts is the topic of comparisonitis. If you're often at war with your inner imposter, chances are you experience extreme comparisonitis as well. Maybe seeing the progress and wins of other people in the online space only makes you more anxious and it only shines a light into how incompetent, unorganized and overwhelmed you feel. But you really want to cheer on your biz bestie. You really want to cheer on these women and really feel good about what you're doing!


One thing I want to say is comparisonitis will come in waves. So there are times where I'll just have a day where I feel like I'm doing the wrong thing, even though there's totally quotations on that, because there's no such thing as the wrong thing. There could be better strategies or better ways to conduct your business, but nothing is ever wrong. It’s all about what works for YOU. But sometimes even that feels like it's wrong. Sometimes I have those days where it just feels like I'm not on this imaginary track that I think I should be on. And I look at other people's content and I think, fuck, they really have it together. Like, what am I doing wrong? And again, comparisonitis is never about what that other person is doing. It's always shining a light on what we feel insecure about.


So if we feel insecure about showing up on Instagram stories and we're constantly looking at somebody who is showing up on Instagram and thinking "wow they're doing such a good job"- that is really what it's about. Comparisonitis is never about somebody else. It's always about us and what's going on with us because the subconscious mind takes everything very personally. The subconscious mind feels like everything that ever happens around us is about us. And you know that on this podcast we're all about rewriting those stories and flipping the script on the stories that you tell yourself. 


Here are FOUR ways that you can come back. Comparisonitis in the online space can be prominent for you on the daily. So not just once in a while or when you're feeling this, literally every day I implement these four things and they have really helped me:


Step 1 - I want you to do an audit on what you're absorbing. You create your own reality and that includes your reality on social media. You know when you're in your house and you're seeing all the things you need to get done, all the stuff you need to clean up and the rooms you need to organize... The same concept gets applied to what you're absorbing on social media.  You are absorbing everything that's happening, and your thoughts are creating your feelings. It's creating your reality. So if you're looking at your house thinking "oh my God, I have so much to do, I feel so overwhelmed". That's going to be your reality. If you're looking online, scrolling through everybody else's stories instead of curating your own, or you're just scrolling through and thinking, "wow, I'm not as good as this person", you are creating your own reality on social media. And if you're absorbing information that is making you feel bad, then your thoughts are going to make you feel bad too. For example, I used to consistently consume business coach content. I didn't even realize I was doing this, but I would consistently be watching people's stories who were business coaches and seeing the value that they're giving, marketing advice and all that good stuff. And I used to feel so insecure about offering mindset because I would think, "noone's going to buy a mindset", but it's because the only thing I ever consumed was mindset stuff. That was the only stuff that I was looking at. And it was the only stuff that I was paying attention to. So I was telling myself the story that no one's going to want mindset, but that's because I was creating the reality that only business coaches are successful. So being really clear on what you're absorbing on a daily basis, especially other people's content is so important.


Step 2- This is going to follow auditing what you're absorbing. I would suggest you audit it for a day, at least just whose content you're absorbing. What did you make it mean? If you're watching somebody's stories and then you think, "wow, she gives such a good story, I'm such a failure". Audit what the type of thoughts you're having when you're actually watching that content. The next step is putting your blinders on. I know, I know obvious, but to some people, but the mute and unfollow feature on Instagram is so under-utilized. For me mute has been my best friend. I have muted so many people, not because I don't like seeing their stuff or I don't like engaging with their stuff or whatever. It's simply because I was scrolling through and I wasn't having those good conducive, constructive thoughts. So I muted them for a little while. Anything that engages judgment, anything that engages some negative feelings inside of you is worthy of a mute. If that means you don't watch anybody's stories, then hey, you're going to stop yourself from potentially purchasing something that you don't want. You're going to mute and unfollow anybody that makes you feel bad about yourself. And this doesn't mean that that person is doing something wrong. It doesn't mean that that person shouldn't be selling.  It's got nothing to do with the other person. It has to do with you and what you’re thinking to yourself when you're consuming their content. So the best thing to do in this instance is no mindless scrolling. If you can catch yourself, scrolling mindlessly, stop yourself, interrupt that shit and do something different. Put down your phone, do a five second happy dance or something that will interrupt that behavior. It usually happens when you're bored. So maybe figure out some secondary action that you can do. I love so many people in the online space, but if I don't think that I am being nice to myself when I consume somebody's content, I either mute them if I don't want to unfollow them, or I just unfollow them altogether.


I don't think that this is something you need to be concerned about in terms of making it about yourself. But what if someone's muting and unfollowing me? Well then they're clearly not your ideal client. I think that is something important to remember... not everybody's going to be your ideal client. And what I would say is to be very cognizant of the fact that that's doing nothing for you and that's not helping you succeed. So who gives a shit if someone mutes and unfollows you. Essentially what I want you to do is really focus on the fact that muting and unfollowing people doesn't mean that you don't love them, or that you don't think that their messages useful. It's simply for your own mental health and to slow down those feelings of comparisonitis. At the end of the day, you need to look after number one and that's YOU and YOUR mindset.


Step 3- The next thing is going to be assessing the emotion behind your goals. So are you sure you really want what you want, or is it because you saw someone else with it and they looked happy, successful or fulfilled? This is a really important thing to remember, especially if you're consuming a lot of like higher level entrepreneur stuff, where people are on yachts, or they're doing really big things and they're posting about it. You can be happy for those people. You absolutely can, but assess your actual reason for setting a goal. If you have a goal of 2000 followers or 10,000 followers, is it because you saw that somebody else had 10,000 followers and they were making a lot of sales and you're like, "yeah, that's what I really want". Or is it because "I really want to serve these 10,000 people, expand my reach, and expand my network". Goals are not easily accomplished if you do not have an emotion behind it. And that's because there is no such thing as motivation, it's really like discipline - discipline is what's going to move the needle forward. And if you feel really strongly about building a business, so you can give your kids a better life or building a business so you can give your dog a better life, it's easier to get to where you need to do, because that is your intrinsic motivation. It's that emotion behind the goal. Again be careful about looking at somebody else and seeing how happy they are in an Instagram picture and thinking that's what I want, because in reality, we don't actually want things. We want a feeling of being happier, being peaceful, being calm, being fulfilled.  For example, when I was in university, I always used to think that when I finished my exams that I was going to be so happy. I'm going to be so calm and so relaxed and all that good stuff. I wasn't thinking, I just can't wait to get done with my exams to be done. It was because I was looking for that feeling of calm, that feeling of being stress free and relaxed, but I was focusing too much on looking forward to that feeling that I never actually focused on creating those feelings for myself. It's really important to assess the emotion behind your goals.


Step 4- And lastly, be at cause for yourself and yourself only. You are responsible for your thoughts, actions, and behaviors. Focusing on what someone else has and what you don't have is a form of victimization in NLP. The empowerment formula puts you at cause instead of effect. So being at effect is basically just thinking that all this stuff is happening to you and you don't have any control over it. Being at cause is taking responsibility for your life, and taking responsibility for what happens to you. That's out of your control, but how you respond to it is not. When you don't do this, when you're looking at what everybody else has and comparing yourself, you are victimizing yourself to believe that you aren't at cause. This doesn't mean shaming yourself. It's simply saying, I am responsible for using this time, however I want and I am responsible for how I feel. For example, when this episode comes out, it's going to be the end of April. But right now I'm recording it three quarters of the way through March. And COVID-19 is really rampant right now, all around the world. Everybody knows exactly what I'm talking about. And, um, right now I am uncertain as to when I'll be going back to work. A lot of people are, and it's really affecting people. What I could do in this instance is be like, Oh my God, I'm so uncertain about the future, what's going to happen with my business…I don't know, I'm so scared. This could result in me not doing anything. But instead, even though I can't control the COVID 19 outbreak, what I can control is staying safe inside my house, utilizing this time effectively. Not only to further my business, but also to do all the things that I really wanted to do that I tell myself I never have the time to. So instead of being consumed with worry and anxiety and fear, I am choosing to feel abundant and hopeful.


But at the end of the day, we are at cause for ourselves and ourselves only. You are responsible. If the comparison monster is strong in you and you feel like these were good tips, but are still struggling with issues surrounding comparisonitis, My 90 minute and LP breakthrough sessions have proven amazing results for women entrepreneurs. Even though I only work with coaches exclusively with regards to my one-on-one programs and my group programs, with this single session, I work with all female entrepreneurs, coaches, graphic designers, VAs, whatever you are. If you are suffering from looking at other people's stuff and not feeling good enough or not knowing where your business is headed and it's bringing up a lot of emotional overwhelm and strife for you, these 90 minute sessions are amazing.


I use neuro linguistic programming tools to help you rewrite the stories that you're telling yourself, help you overcome fears and negative emotions that are really holding you back and allow you to break free from theses toxic patterns. If you need results, you can go to my Instagram and my highlights. I have results from the single sessions and they are honestly amazing. You are going to want one of these sessions and I only have limited spots a month. So make sure you go to the link and book one of those sessions. The investment is 75 US dollars, and you get seven days of Voxer access to me after the session.


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